Stewardship

A notorious miser was called on by the chairman of the community charity. 'Sir,' said the fund-raiser, 'our records show that despite your wealth, you've never once given to our drive.'

'Do your records show that I have an elderly mother who was left penniless when my father died? fumed the tightwad. 'Do your records show that I have a disabled brother who is unable to work? Do your records show I have a widowed sister with small children who can barely make ends meet?'

'No, sir,' replied the embarrassed volunteer. 'Our records don't show those things.'

'Well, I don't give to any of them, so why should I give anything to you?'

Head Hog

The door to the church office opened and a man walked in and asked to speak to the Head Hog at the Trough

"Sir, if you mean our pastor," the secretary replied sharply, "you will have to treat him with more respect - and ask for "the Reverend" or "the Pastor." But you certainly cannot call him the Head Hog at the Trough!"

"Oh, I see," said the man. Well, I have ten thousand dollars I was thinking about donating to the Building Fund."

"Stay where you are!" the secretary cried, jumping up from her chair. "I'll go get the Big Pig for you."