Vic's Christmass Leter 2010

Dear Friends & Family,

I turned 67 last month and I got my pensions after a lot of form-filling. So I’m very much a pensioner. But I continued to work for 2010 and saved the pay. So I was able to buy a car for my retirement which takes effect in January. (It’s a Chev Aveo hatchback). Being a pensioner gets me a 5% discount at the local supermarket (Spar) once a week. No such thing as bus passes or any other benefits. (No busses at all in most places, so a car is a necessity).

We had a severe Winter – very cold with not much snow. The Summer is funny: hot one minute and perishing cold the next. Not enough rain so far. I was in Durban a few months ago for a short holiday and it was beautiful. I stayed in a retirement hotel (Park View), just off the beach and thoroughly enjoyed it. When I was in Zululand, I used to stay there when it was an ordinary hotel. I could buy or rent a suite. But I’ve also been offered a flat in Bloemfontein together with a part-time job. And this is what I’m doing. At least until the middle of Winter when I may change my mind & go to Durban.

I’m renting a 1st floor 2 bedroomed flat, just outside the forest on Naval Hill – a great place for walks. (Plenty of room for visitors). A couple of little shops near by, but a car drive to supermarkets. St Margaret’s church is just down the road and that’s where I shall be based. Arranging the furniture removal is proving a slight problem (no removal firms in Harrismith) but I hope to get away by the middle of January.

We had our Parish Family Feast Day last Sunday, with the Bishop present. A good time was had by all. This included a farewell to me and my assistant, Edwina de Wet, who is also retiring and leaving for Cape Town. So, St John’s will have no priest at all for the foreseeable future. (Anybody interested?) Carols by candlelight next Sunday.

I may go over to England next year for a few weeks after Easter. It would be good to see everybody again. I’ve now got family there who I’ve never seen and my generation is getting older and fewer.

My diabetes is still under control. But now have a heart condition as well. Paroxysmal atrial fibrillation - which is nowhere near as bad as it sounds. I was put on rat poison to lessen the risk of a stroke. This alternates with ‘ventricular extras’ for which I’m taking a beta blocker. I wouldn’t have known about these things if I hadn’t been going to the diabetic clinic where they found them – not unusual for diabetics I understand. I feel perfectly well most of the time.

From mid January, my address will be 16, Prosper Court, Brompton Road, Navalsig, Bloemfontein, 9301, SA. Postal address: Box 411, Bloemfontein, 9300, SA. E Mail and cellphone as above, but no landline.

Love & Blessings to everyone,
wishing you a very holy Christmass and a peaceful Year in 2011.

Christ - A Most Unusual King!!

One Solitary Life

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another village. He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty. Then for three years He was an travelling preacher.

He never owned a home. He never wrote a book. He never had a family. He never went to college. He never put His foot inside a big city. He never travelled more than two hundred miles from the place He was born. He never did one of the things that usually accompany greatness. He had no credentials but Himself...

While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against him. His friends ran away. One of them denied Him. He was turned over to His enemies. He went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed upon a cross between two thieves. While He was dying His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had on earth – His coat. When He was dead, He was laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend.

Those are the facts of his human life. He rises from the dead. Twenty long centuries have come and gone, and today He is a centrepiece of the human race and leader of all progress.

All the armies that ever marched, all the navies that were ever built; all the parliaments that ever sat and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of people upon this earth as powerfully as has that one solitary life.

All of us have been affected by the birth of this one man.

Christ the King

Shortly after her coronation, Queen Victoria attended a splendid performance of Handel’s Messiah. She’d been told in no uncertain terms that members of royalty do not stand with the others when the Hallelujah chorus is sung. It was simply not proper.

But when the singers lifted their voices to shout “Hallelujah! The Lord God omnipotent reigneth” she could only just stay in her seat. She didn’t want to violate the traditions of royalty. But when the chorus came to the climax, proclaiming Jesus Christ the “King of Kings and Lord of Lords”, repeating the phrase with increasing crescendos, the queen of all England rose and bowed her head before the King of all, including kings and queens.

There will come a day when every knee in heaven and earth will bow before him. And he shall reign for ever and ever! King of Kings and Lord of Lords!.

Pithy Sayings
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target..


Out of Context
It’s easy for us to take Bible stories, sayings, verses, out of context.
If we don't take the time to look at what else is around the particular piece of Scripture, why a particular story or parable was placed right where it is, then we can be totally misled. For example:
Matt 27:5 "So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself."
Luke 10:37 "Go and do likewise"
Or
Gen 19:26 "But Lot's wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt"
Luke 14:34 "Salt is good"

The Good Shepherd

Brain Power

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.

'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Some of the men actually had to try to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.

A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.'

Pearly Gates

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, at a highway rest stop, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

“So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. ‘Now, back off!!’ I yelled ‘Or you’ll answer to me!’”

St. Peter was impressed: “When did this happen?” “

Just a couple of minutes ago.”

Easter Laughter

A little boy pulls on the preacher's hand to get his attention. Then says, "I'm going to give you money when I grow up." The preacher says, "Thank you very much but why do you want to give me money when you grow up?" The little boy replies, "My dad says that you are the "poorest" preacher we’ve ever had."

Another pastor was greeting folks at the door after the service. A woman said, "Pastor, that was a very good sermon." The pastor says, "Oh, I have to give the credit to the Holy Spirit." "It wasn't THAT good!" she says.

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another drop from this lemon. A thin scholarly looking woman came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and asked, "What is the secret of your strength?" "Practice," the woman answered. "I was the treasurer of an Anglican Church for thirty-two years!

We laugh because our faith gives us every reason to. You know about Joseph of Aramathea. He offered a tomb for Jesus' burial. A neighbour asked Joseph why he gave his beautiful hand-hewn tomb to someone else. Joseph replied, "Well, he only needed it for the weekend."

Sermon Gone Wrong

The preacher had a temperance sermon in full bore.

“It’s the taverns where all the money goes. Who drives the biggest, newest car in town? The tavern keeper! Whose wife wears the finest clothes in town? The tavern keeper! Who sits on his front porch eating chocolates and sipping fine wine? The tavern keeper! And who pays for all this? You do!”

As the congregation filed out of church, a young couple shook the pastor’s hand warmly. “Thank you so much, Reverend,” they said. “Your sermon helped us decide on our future.”

“Wonderful. You have chosen to give up strong drink!”

“Well, no,” said the couple. “We’re going into the tavern business.”

Giraffe Test

The Giraffe Test
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend ... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Vic the Bomber

This week I was in Universitas Hospital and was diagnosed as having atrial fibrillation.
Part of the testing to discover this was to wear a HOLTER for 48 hours. It was suggested that this made me look a little like a suicide bomber.
What do you think?